Fate or force?

Humans believe whatever happens to a person is in his destiny, that it is decided by the stars, that it is written. 
Why, then, do we struggle so hard to change things, to make them right? 

One thing that is known to me today is one should not ever push, ever force. If something is falling apart, make sure the reason is not you. If it's not you, know that it's the end. Everything has an end, after all. It's not giving up, it's knowing how the world works.

 This world doesn't let anything last forever, nothing does. This world, however, will surely provide you with better things once the old one is dead and gone. When something ends, someone leaves , they don't create an absence, they don't make you own less. Instead, they create a vacancy for something better to come. It's always better. Sometimes, yes, the delivery is a little late. So late that you start loosing hope but you should remember, the stars have planned it. The universe is conspiring for you. There is someone out there meant to love you more than pizza. There is happiness you'll receive without listening to your favorite song. There is satisfaction you'll have without orgasm. You are meant to get all those things. You are meant to be happy. You have a story of your own and you are the leading cast.

All it takes is patience and faith. Because when you force, when you try changing the story line by not letting go or by not letting in , you are taking yourself farther from your own winning cup. You don't always have to soulder on. You don't always have to struggle. 

Sometimes, letting your fate, letting the circumstances take control delivers you to the best of the days.

Maudita Singh. 

The room.

'Go to sleep, my love. Everything seems better with the morning sun.'

It does. There is this Oscar Wilde quote:
' It may seem plausible enough tonight, but wait for tomorrow. Wait for the common sense of morning.'

The night he and I broke up, I wouldn't have blocked him. I was angry and heart broken by his words, but I wouldn't have blocked him. Because when the morning sun would hit us, we'd still be hurt and upset but we'd be in love again. We wouldn't be angry enough to let go. I knew this. And I blocked him. I blocked him because that was the time when I could, when I was justified. I knew I wouldn't have a stronger reason to leave.

I knew I could escape.

I did. I escaped to never come back. I stepped out from a troublesome room where I was unable to breathe and where I was trapped from infinity, I stepped out not even knowing if I would see the light of the shining sun or darkness so heavy that I wouldn't be able make out if my eyes are open or closed. I was unsure. But I took the step, the step out of that room. Why?

Because all I knew was I wasn't happy there. Not truly.

Even if that room gave me peace and security, it wouldn't have given me happiness. So, in search for happiness, I let go of security. I welcomed loneliness and hopelessness. I just cared about being happy. For some time, I wasn't. I always thought if I had done the right thing leaving that room behind. If I was protesting my stars and if I was doing what I wasn't supposed to do. If I was being unfair to another being. Most nights, I almost believed, I was.

Then, I thought of my parents. My life. You.

It gave me enough strength to wait. Few months and times changed. My loosing faith settled. I was finally beginning to be happy. I was happy. Crying, hurt but happy. However, maybe I mistook freedom for happiness. Because when my inner crying self burst out, I gave up. I yearned for the security. Not the room, but security. When I failed to receive it from any source. I went back to the room, defeated. Unhappy. By that time I had realized I didn't belong to this room but for momentary sense of security, I decided against my senses.

But the stars rule, don't they?

Thank heavens my senses kicked in at the right time, thank heavens my stars sent you to guide me or be my light. I knew I was doing everything wrong.

So, finally, with a heavy heart, I left, I flew too far away to ever trace my way back down. And that is when I found you.



Fiction.
Maudita Singh

In a heartbeat.

It's a good thing to be in love,
It's a good thing to chase your dreams.
You're really lucky,
If your lover supports your chase and if they are there to motivate.

But what if you reach a road,
A road that diverges in two ways.
Whom will you choose, now, that,
That you see the burning sun's rays.

Will you choose your dreams, your
hopes and desires,
Your passion that you always had,
And break off from the binding wires?

Or will you walk the road down with
The one you've yearned for,
Will you choose their smile, their shining eyes,
Will you choose your lover for more?

It's a despair, my little friend,
For choices are never easy,
I just say that whatever you take,
Take in a heartbeat, in a moment.

For if you think and torture yourself,
You'll never be free of the guilt 
The guilt,
the guilt of leaving the un-choosed behind.

Maudita Singh.